Water Bottle Cults

"The boss" had me look for a large plastic water bottle as a gift for a family member. As per usual, I did a web search. Who knew that there was such variety of plastic water bottles? They differ by:

• Size: 16-128+ (4L) oz.
• Shape: More variety than you would ever imagine.
• Water delivery mechanism: integrated plastic straw, gravity nipple, or either
• Color/pattern
• Volume metric, or not, along the side of the bottle, including some with time points given and motivational icons at each volume tick
• Leakproofness
• Carrying implementation: shoulder strap, waist belt, top handle
• Drinking handles for the larger sizes
• Accompanying cleaning implements offered: bottle brush, straw brush
• Alleged plastic product health safety
• Motif

By far, motif was the most bizarre. There were various lifestyle choices here including:

• Military/Macho: Khaki, Camo, Canteen waist belt
• Valley Girl Be Thee: Pink, Fuchsia, and cutesy-wootsy Japanese-anime-meets-Walt-Disney patterns
• Water Is My Life: carry bag with room for keys, cell-phone, wallet (a Coleman lantern, and propane stove? ;-))

On Amazon, some of these motifs came with multiple videos to reinforce the implied lifestyle.

Now, that civilization has reached its zenith, we can all be sanguine about #AcceleratingGlobalClimateCataclysm./s