What an Opening!!! I may have just discovered a new author to satisfy my longings... :)

"After I die and things settle down, I’ll reevaluate my life, and specifically the cracks between my speech, behavior, posture, and my chickenshit love. That “tender land” will be an excellent place to reflect on life, with beautiful drifting catkins and bright peach blossoms. Right now, however, they have taken the muzzle of a loaded gun and placed it against the back of my head, invoking the reputation of the revolution. With death lodged in my throat, I have no choice but to soon proceed to the execution ground and wait for the bullet. Laughing at the prospect of death, I’m prepared to cross the bridge that leads to the underworld. Prior to the execution, I drank a bowl of wine, and did not feel a trace of resentment. Hatoyama prepared a banquet for me, with ten thousand cups. Revolution must be like this. I’ll lay down my life in battle, shattering my bones, scattering my blood, and destroying my body and my spirit. In three days or at most a week, Hongmei and I will both be standing on the execution ground, next to the river that runs past the base of the mountain. We’ll both be wearing handcuffs as we kneel at the edge of the pit, after which we’ll return to our tender land. Our remaining time is like the final drops of water in a Shangganling water kettle, each drop as precious as a jewel. My life’s furnace is about to be extinguished, a furnace that ignited mountains and rivers, streams and gullies, and the entire land. It ignited the air and forests, water and women, animals and rocks, grass and footsteps, crops and men, the seasons and roads, as well as women’s wombs, hair, lips, and clothing. The spring river water flows west, as the east and west winds engage in fierce battle. Mother, mother—after your son dies, please arrange for his grave to face east, so that he may view the town of Chenggang. ..."

https://groveatlantic.com/book/hard-like-water/

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