I HAVE THIS FANTASY
by Heather Bell

I have this fantasy
that I am dressed in a leather jacket
smoking a cigar
just standing there
holding Kafka or Adrienne Rich
by the spine
when an old boyfriend walks up with his
yellow-haired wife and says

Hey, remember me? Sean.

And I reply, casually

Sean? Maybe. The Sean with the big dick or the Sean with the small dick?
And his eyes dart around because he wants to say

Big dick.

but then he’s admitting to me seeing his dick at all
with his wife standing right there

who is holding a ratty looking purse
and what I think is a dead raccoon or
maybe her jacket

So he says

Sorry, I might be mistaken.

but damn, I look so good standing there in my cheetah-print leggings
and puffy hair and the sort of eyeliner that looks professional

that he repeats

But I really think we might have known each other at some point.

And I grin a little, lean in,
and whisper just loud enough for his wife to hear

Small dick, eh?

And I go home and I put on my pink bathrobe and sit on the couch and
I feel triumphant and my kids are running around with scissors

and the leggings are thrown over the loveseat
like a flag

—from Rattle #46, Winter 2014

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Heather Bell: “Poem writing can be an interesting beast. I wrote this poem in particular in honor of Sean (real name), who once said, ‘I do not know how you are ever published, or why. Your poems simply make no sense.’ So, Sean, this one is for you.”

https://www.rattle.com/i-have-this-fantasy-by-heather-bell/

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