I CAN See the Future
There is no path toward a positive outcome in my life. Every door is #suffering and #death. The only "choice" I have in my "life" is when and how horribly I am going to #die. It is impossible to know which is the least awful #future. I just know that all possible futures are awful. I don't have any #idea what to do about it. There are lots of low odds, horrible events that could kill me, but the most likely is a #HeartAttack. There is no way around it. I think I could put it off a few years one way or the other, but it's inevitable at this point. I am going to have a heart attack that will either kill me or leave me broke and homeless. There are several ways I can get there:

70% likelihood - I will not be able to find a job. I will be living on the verge of homelessness. I have a heart attack. This is the situation where I am most likely to die outright, because I will be arriving in the Emergency Room as a poor person, and the staff will be much more likely to just let me die. But if I don't, I will lose all my money, be totally broke, and homeless when I get out. Then I will be permanently #unemployable, in #debt, and #homeless

27% likelihood - I get some kind of horrible job that doesn't provide enough money for "health insurance". I have a heart attack. I rack up an enormous hospital bill, but it is somewhat based on reality. It exceeds all my savings, nevertheless. I am fired, of course. I am released from the hospital in time to deal with my #eviction. I am left unemployable, indebted, homeless.

3% likelihood - I get a "good" job that pays for "health insurance." I have a heart attack. Any job that is good enough to pay for health insurance will be stressful enough to bring a heart attack sooner. Nevertheless, since I am "insured" I receive better, and thus, much more expensive care in the hospital. That is, right up to the moment I am #fired. Then I will burn through my savings very quickly. But the higher standard of care means the bill I am now stuck with will be much, much higher (possibly millions of dollars). I will be released from the hospital in time to be evicted, and be unemployable, massively indebted, unemployable, and homeless. And in this state, the debt will be such that I will be barred from credit, and public aid in all likelihood. In some ways, though this is the most survivable scenario, it is also the worst.