#poetry #siberia
November 2013
SIBERIAN FIRE
“What are you holding out for?”
They always ask.
“You aren’t getting any younger.”
“You can’t have everything you want.”
“Nobody’s perfect.”
At times I’m sorry I know the difference
between the real thing and a pale imitation.

I’ve never been any good at
Selling out or Settling.
I tell the man who wants me
“I would only make you unhappy
with my unhappiness.
I would feel nothing
when you touched me.
I would feel nothing
when you kissed me.
I would not be thinking of you.
I think of someone else.”
I hardly have to close my eyes
to see him.
He who doesn’t exist ~.
but is ever present before me.

When I close my eyes
I see him better.
Just the sight thrills me
like nothing or anyone else.
I take a deep breath,
and breathe him into myself.
My last breath will be of him.

Oh, life can be cold, lonely
and harsh.
There in the distance
with his back to me~
he is walking alone
out in the middle of
miles and miles of Siberia-
vast and desolate.
He is trying not to drop down
from exhaustion into the deep snow,
fall asleep, and die.
He is trying to stay warm.

The sky above him is
blue and beautiful
The air is clean and fresh.
The Sun shines on him~
The Gods love him.

Oh, he is my Heart’s Desire.
I want to put my hand on his back
hold him and kiss him -
to keep him warm and encouraged -
but I must keep my distance.
I am Siberian Fire - too intense.