Study Finds People Most Confident When Unaware Their Fly Undone

COLUMBUS, OH—According to a new study published Tuesday in the Journal Of Personality And Social Psychology, researchers at the Ohio State University found that people were most confident while unaware that the fly of their pants was undone. “We found a tremendously strong correlation between walking into a room with your zipper fully undone and putting your hand on your hips and announcing, ‘Hey, everybody!’” said researcher Zachariah Willis, who noted that whistling contentedly, standing with your head held high and your shoulders back, and feeling that the day was going exceptionally well were among the greatest indicators that a subject was completely oblivious to what was going on with their pants. “Some of the situations in which this phenomenon most frequently occurs include school presentations, having your picture taken for the local newspaper, and nationally televised talent competitions. Interestingly enough, we also found that subjects who were wearing elastic waistbands were prone to their pants splitting right down the middle the moment they were receiving an award for perfect attendance.” At press time, Willis added that the researchers would next be exploring the link between it being the most important day of your professional life and having your skirt tucked into your underwear.

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