Rising Conservative Star Just Guy Wearing Nazi Armband And Crying

AUSTIN, TX—A star who has experienced a meteoric rise in right-wing circles, 28-year-old conservative phenom Mason Finley is known solely for wearing a Nazi armband and crying, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Finley amassed millions of conservative viewers on his Discord channel, where the up-and-coming young GOP figure uploaded videos in which he is seen sobbing alone in a room as he sits with a swastika strapped to his arm,” said Republican strategist Gary Woodfall, claiming that despite being virtually unknown even a few months ago, the teary-eyed young man who wears Nazi memorabilia has already appeared at CPAC as well as Turning Point USA summits. “Something about the way he never stops crying and openly identifies as a Nazi has really struck a chord with the GOP rank and file. They see a lot of themselves in Finley when he blubbers and gives his weak little ‘Sieg heil’ salutes.” At press time, Finley’s popularity within the Republican Party had reportedly reached a fever pitch after he was seen bawling his eyes out and getting an SS symbol tattooed on his neck.

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