There's a meme floating around engaged in shame tactics on one mode of threat-response advice
It's a bad meme, and precisely as, if not more, manipulative and ill-advised as that which it argues against. It concerns a recent high-profile death, probably a murder, though the specifics really don't matter.
One of the best tactics when faced with a specific threat is to put distance beween it and you.
When you’re experiencing an active threat is NOT the time to be attempting to change the threat landscape. Ignoring the advice to seek safety is an excellent way to get hurt or dead.
(Both approaches have merits. Demonising one over the other does nobody any good. Knowing the proper place for each is the difference between knowledge and wisdom.)
Personal relationships are complex. The narratives we all want to believe and/or are familiar with … sometimes bear out, and sometimes don’t. I make a point of suspending judgement until those with better information and greater access to events speak. My history here should bear that out.
Being lead by emotional appeals no matter how well-justified still leaves you vulnerable to manipulation, and may well be denying someone justice.
Toxic relationships are widespread. They are often hard to recognise, from both within and without, the roles we may be prepared to believe could well be reversed, and complex codependencies are also common. You would do well to look around you, here and now, and consider who it is that you know who might well be in the midst of one right now.
What I would very much like to see in relationship disputes is an approach that looks at mutual separation without prejudice to either party. This should be in the interests of the safety not only of the parties directly involved but others around them. Greater support for independence and exits from toxic situations would also help immensely. Far too often all involved are blamed for their various victimhoods and circumstances rather than given the (often very slight, but hugely impactful) help that would make a tremendous difference.
(Failure to comply with such terms, or a continuation of hostilities by either or both parties could lead to stronger isolation and more punative responses.)
Most jurisdictions are, sadly, a very long way from such practices. Even landmark and primary legislation concerning such circumstances is often explicit in assigning perpetrator and victim roles with no consideration of facts. This should be a national cause for shame.
We know that in this instance at least one person is dead, and another hasn’t been talking (in part perhaps given the presumption of guilt that’s been imposed on him). There are both cases where early presumptions have been born out (Laci Peterson) and others where they have not (Chandra Levy, the Central Park Five).
Truth and justice out slowly. Give them time.
That mutual, nonprejudicial separation and support I mentioned above would have spared at least one life here. Quite possibly more.
I’ll note as well that this meme does precisely what it chastises others for: explicitly and specifically exploits an event to sell its narrative. I’m pretty sure its author(s) think they’re justified. They should harbour the suspicion that they are in fact mistaken.
#relationship #abuse #risk #separation #prejudice #vawa #safety #HelpYourNeighbours
